Take a deep breath.
My heart is racing right now just thinking about it.
Okay, here we go… Freedom.
What is it? Freedom is a choice.
The best thing about God while also being the worst thing about God is how much of a gentleman He is. He gave us free will and we chose sin and death over Him. But through the miracle of the cross we can still have eternal life through Jesus. However, we have to choose that. God is a gentleman. I will say it again and again because that’s what He is. He is willing to go only as far as you are willing to give Him. He wants to take all your crap from you and give you freedom but if you say, “No, God, not this. You can have everything else but you can’t touch this thing,” then He won’t. He’ll stop. Ugh, it’s so frustrating!
I don’t know what’s best for myself, only He does!
If only we were willing to give Him everything!
But I made a concrete decision during my first week of Lectures to live life with open hands, trusting Him to take anything He wanted to work on in me and make me new. I laugh now because it was nuts. Totally and completely the most tear-filled, joy-filled, wild and crazy week of my entire life.
I learned the true significance of what our God did for us on the cross as well as the gift that we have been given because of that.
Did you get that? We have already been given the gift of freedom.
The package is sitting on our front porch just waiting to be unwrapped if only we would open the door.
I didn’t know that.
Or maybe I did but I certainly didn’t think I deserved it.
The Enemy was bringing me down hardcore with thoughts of unworthiness.
So I owned it.
I said “heck yeah I’m unworthy of this grace and this gift but you know what, I’m going to accept it anyway!”
We will never be worthy of God and of the way He loves us. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. But what really hit me about this was how selfish that thought was. Saying “sorry God, I can’t accept this even though you have already paid for this gift and thrown away the receipt… I’m just not worthy.”
Isn’t that selfish? It’s done, it’s over, He did it and He did it for me and for you!
The price has already been paid, get over it and accept it already!
So I did. And it was friggin’ unbelievable. All of my chains and my bondage that I didn’t even know I had came out. And it sucked. We literally had a day where I cried for 4 hours straight. I asked my best friend (via Facebook messaging) if that was even anatomically possible. She said no. But it happened, I kid you not!
This is my home and the people I am with here are my family. Through crying together and affirming each other and speaking out what was holding us back from full freedom we grew closer. Don’t get me wrong, it was terrifying. Imagine the worst thing you have ever done or even thought in your head. Imagine your greatest fear. Imagine the lies that were spoken over you as a child that have now absorbed into your identity….
Now imagine speaking all of that hurty-hurt stuff out loud in front of others. Imagine it being taken away from you. Imagine feeling instantly lighter and more free while also feeling like you don’t even know who you are anymore.
That’s what I felt.
So I am being made new.
I am still the same but I am also completely different.
Sometimes I look at myself now and wonder, how I could even stand up as the old me?
How I could even continue living when so much yuck was weighing me down?
Hello, My name is… Forgiven.
Kara-Beth Amuzzini – September 2014 DTSRead More